Who is Khanh? Kundalini & Eighteen Inches?

Who am I and why do I do what I do? How did kundalini cross my path and why did I call my mission Eighteen Inches? That is a question I get asked often and it's very understandable! I am going to tell you today.

Who is Khanh?

Hi! My name is Khanh, 34 years old and I live in Rotterdam, where I also have my Healing Space since October 2023. In a super nice environment next to the Kralingse bos. My life has always looked so different and what it looks like now is something I could only dream of..

I have always been so far removed from my feelings. Since I was little, I never really knew what I felt, which is why I became so distant from everyone, but most of all from myself. I felt really strange here in this life. I couldn't really connect, because I hadn't really been exposed to that and I'm an only child. I missed home, a warm feeling, being loved. Even though I didn't know that 'home' existed, I longed for it so much. The only thing that made me feel happy was when my parents were proud and that wasn't often, or they were but never said so. So I started to become 'the perfect daughter'. They got compliments from everyone, how well-behaved I am, how polite I am, how sweet I am, but it never felt enough. I was looking for all kinds of things in my outside world. Approval, appreciation, recognition, love, attention. I tried to be everything that was expected of me, but never got what I wanted most. I was left empty and disappointed every time, because you can never please everyone. That became more and more clear to me. I couldn't deal with my feelings at all. Didn't know how to express them because every feeling I had needed to go away quickly. So I grew up and cried less and less, until not at all. I went through life in a numb state.

I worked together with my mother in her company. (as a projector!) Mainly very long days, 6 days a week. I literally had no time and space to think about what I would like, but I was unhappy for a long time. It makes it extra difficult when you work with family, because you don't want to 'let them down' either. I actually couldn't make the choice for myself, so then the choice was made for me..

Kundalini

In June 2020 I had a stroke and then started a tough rehabilitation process due to my right side failure. Within a month I lost my longest group of friends and all kinds of questions haunted my head. Why am I still here? Why did I get another chance? What am I supposed to do here? Because of these questions I came to the conclusion that I was actually not living at all! I was living for everyone, except myself. And then questions arose like, who am I? What do I find important? What do I believe in? What is real? And what is not? What I knew for sure was, if I have to be here, I want to be able to be completely myself.

I knew that I had a lot of blockages, limiting beliefs and traumas and I also knew that I had to do something about it, but what? I had suppressed my feelings so far that I could not even reach them anymore and at that point I had not been able to cry for years, not even about the stroke and lost friendships. I had psychologists, but that only helped so far, so I started looking into energetic treatments. Where should I start? I was open to everything, because I wanted to do everything I could to not have to feel that way anymore. As skeptical as I was, energetic treatments exist for a reason, I thought. They are also becoming increasingly popular, so I decided to give it a try.

A dear friend then told me about kundalini and she had shown me some videos. My first reaction was, wtf! That can't be real?? I thought it was strange, but somehow it attracted me enough to try it out. I went with my friend the first time, early 2022 and thought, okay I'm going to try it. Does it work? Only good and does it not work? Too bad, but then I know that too and I don't have to wonder.

I couldn't get out of my head, the first session. I kept thinking about everything and I was not used to turning inward at all. I kept thinking about whether I felt something or not. When I thought I felt something, I quickly thought, no, am I doing it myself or is it really happening? After the session I was completely exhausted and I thought, is this what people like so much? I didn't understand it, felt extremely tired and didn't experience anything, I thought. The next few days the fatigue decreased and I had already written it off, as in it doesn't work. About 5 days later I was at home and suddenly I had to cry! I was super surprised because I normally try to induce it by sometimes exaggerating a bit haha. Now it just came and it was also fine to let it be there and for the first time I honored my feeling.

I didn't immediately link it to the kundalini session, but the aftercare email made a light go on and I contacted Nadia. She told me that she was almost certain that this was due to the session, but if I had any doubts, then I should come again? She also gave me the date on which several of my friends would come, if I preferred that. I thought to myself, if 1 session already makes me cry, without me feeling anything in the session, then it must have really done a lot. So I could go into the 2nd session with a little more confidence.

I didn't feel much in that 2nd session either, but I felt so much calmer that period afterwards, that I decided to continue. Also with the reason that I never really take the time to sit down and meditate, or to turn inward. After 3, 4 sessions I suddenly noticed that I could better distinguish my intuition from my thoughts. That I was making more and more decisions for myself, without first taking everyone else into account and my inner direction became stronger and stronger. I felt like I was finally living my life.

Eighteen Inches

A year after the first session I did the training with Nadia. Actually because I just wanted to know how it worked, because somewhere my brain was still skeptical. This turned out to be one of the most beautiful experiences so far! How the training was, the people I met, but also finally choosing for myself especially. In the training we were given the option to make a plant medicine journey. I actually didn't expect much from it (don't ask me why haha) and maybe that was also the best way to go into it so as not to have any expectations.

It made me go so deep, I was so far away and was no longer my body. I was much more than that! I felt part of the bigger picture, which made me experience so much peace and really feel like I was at home. Afterwards I couldn't remember much about this part except that it was black and I felt very good.

Suddenly I hear a song* and I think to myself: huh, do I hear Vietnamese?? No, that's not possible, I must have imagined it. But a moment later I hear it again! In a split second I felt my heart break open and I saw myself standing there. I reached out a hand to myself and said: Wow, you finally found your way back home! And wow, the realization that I was looking for all the good things but in all the wrong places. I had to create that place within myself and give myself all the appreciation, approval, recognition, attention and love, because my opinion is the only opinion that matters. I don't need anything outside of myself. This made sure that I came out of the trip very grateful and the blockages that are normally there had completely disappeared. I kept crying, from joy, gratitude, connection and all the love that I had felt. I couldn't stop and it felt so incredibly good.

Once home, I kept thinking about the trip home. I walked to my bookcase and pulled out a book. Eighteen Inches. The distance between your head and your heart.

I knew right away, that's what I'm going to call my mission. To help you get out of your head and into your heart and body, so you can embody who you really are.

* The end of suffering - Thich Nhat Hanh